How Two Fans Turned a Connection Into Real-Life Community, With Alesia & Selin
The irl. fans for friends founders on turning shared interests into real friendships, and building spaces where connection continues offline.
Welcome to Fangirl Forward, a biweekly look at the people and ideas shaping the future of fandom, media and entertainment. Each edition bridges the worlds of fans and industry — exploring how communities are built, opportunities are created, and how audience power is reshaping the business of pop culture.
Fan friendships usually start the same way. You like the same artist or show, you become mutuals, maybe you meet at a show once. And then for most people… that’s kind of it.
Outside of concerts or fan conventions, there aren’t really many places for those connections to keep going. Everyone goes back to their own lives, and the community mostly lives online again.
Alesia and Selin — two best friends who connected through fandom — noticed that and built around it. Through irl. fans for friends, they host monthly in-person events across New York and London, from album release parties to casual meetups like picnics and vision boarding sessions.
The point isn’t to sit around talking about an artist all night. It’s to actually get to know each other, and give those connections somewhere to go beyond fandom conversations.
Below, they talk about what gets lost between online and offline fandom, what it takes to actually bring people together in person, and how those connections can turn into real-life friendships.
When you think about fandom spaces more broadly, what do you feel like they’re missing right now when it comes to real connection and how did that lead you to creating irl. fans for friends?
Selin: I think sometimes, especially in spaces like stan Twitter, people can kind of hide behind a screen and just say whatever they want. And the community you build online is really special, but you only really see it come together in real life when it’s something like a concert. And if there aren’t concerts happening in your area — especially if you’re from a place where artists don’t really tour — it’s very hard to bring that community into a real-life space.
You can feel really connected to someone online, especially when you share interests that your friends in real life might not have. So I think it’s really important to bring that in-person. We wanted to create something where that could exist more consistently.
Alesia: I was thinking the exact same thing. The reality is, the only time a bunch of fans come together if it’s music related is usually at a concert. So being able to take that same community and bring it into other spaces, whether that’s karaoke, dance parties, Pilates, a hot girl walk, whatever it is — it’s about translating that connection into other aspects of our lives.
You’re doing something different — bringing people together in real life, but not centering the event around fandom itself. How did you land on that model specifically?
Selin: I think like with friendships, it’s important to keep that retention. If you’re going to stay friends with someone, you need different things you can talk about — it can’t just be the fandom. We’ve only done one event in London so far, but in New York there’s been two, and I know Alesia is still connected to people from the first event. That’s because you end up bonding over other things happening in your lives. I think that’s really important.
Alesia: Yeah, I completely agree. If you have one thing in common, you probably have a bunch of other things in common too. And you can’t just always talk about Harry Styles or Olivia Dean or Taylor Swift — eventually that’s going to get old.
Being able to have activities is how real friendships form. I think about Selin — the first time we really hung out, we were doing all sorts of things. I only knew her because she was a fan of Harry, but after that we were going to pubs, thrifting, just doing normal things that weren’t about Harry. So it’s about taking that and bringing it into other spaces.
Selin: Yeah, and when we first met, I followed Alesia on Instagram, but we didn’t interact that much online. She was coming to London for a holiday, and I just DMed her like, stay at mine.
There was that sudden level of trust — you like this person, I like this person, there’s already a community in place. And Alesia was so down, she stayed for like 10 days. There was never a dull moment because we were just discovering all these other things we had in common and there’s suddenly a flourishment of a friendship. And now we speak every day. I think I speak to Alesia more than I speak to my parents.
What has been your favorite event so far?
Selin: We’ve only done three, but probably the second New York one.
Alesia: Yeah, I really liked that one. It was a little chaotic for me personally because I had a lot going on, but everyone else was awesome and great. I think Harries are some of the best people, everyone was just really gracious.
Selin: I think that was the first time we saw a proper community come together in real life that we were hosting. The first event in New York was about 20 people, and the London one was about 20 also. Then suddenly there were hundreds of people in the room, all with this excitement because the album had just dropped that day.
I was actually on the way to Marrakesh and Alesia FaceTimed me from the event to show me what it looked like. I was in the taxi to the airport just feeling overwhelmed with joy.
It was like, wow — I can’t believe we’ve brought all these people together and they’re all just dancing, singing, having the best time.
You see things like album listening parties happen online all the time, but seeing that happen in person felt really special. And I saw so many people tweeting about it, people I’ve followed for years but never actually seen, and suddenly I was like, oh my God, you’re there. That’s so cool.
Interested in reading more? In the full conversation, Alesia and Selin share how their own friendship took shape, what they’ve learned from bringing fans together in real life, and how irl. fans for friends is creating space for connection beyond the concert. Read it here.
The fan conversations and industry decisions shaping how entertainment is experienced right now.
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