From Mutuals to IRL Friends: How Alesia & Selin Are Bringing Fandom Offline
The irl. fans for friends founders on building community beyond concerts and turning online fandom into in-person connection.
Fan friendships usually start the same way. You like the same artist or show, you become mutuals, maybe you meet at a show once. And then for most people… that’s kind of it.
Outside of concerts or fan conventions, there aren’t really many places for those connections to keep going. Everyone goes back to their own lives, and the community mostly lives online again.
Alesia and Selin — two best friends who connected through fandom — noticed that and built around it. Through irl. fans for friends, they host monthly in-person events across New York and London, from album release parties to casual meetups like picnics and vision boarding sessions.
The point isn’t to sit around talking about an artist all night. It’s to actually get to know each other, and give those connections somewhere to go beyond fandom conversations.
Below, they talk about what gets lost between online and offline fandom, what it takes to actually bring people together in person, and how those connections can grow into something more.
You both met through fandom. What was it about that connection that made you want to keep it going beyond just being fans?
Alesia: I think there’s a lot of intersection. It might start with, oh, we both have this one thing in common, but the idea is that you might have that one thing in common, and then realize you actually have 15 or 20 other things in common as well. So while it started with Harry Styles, we have so many other things in common far beyond that. That’s why we were like, this is a friendship that’s kind of destined for greatness.
Selin: Yeah, and I think also the fact that we became friends through Harry, he’s the kind of artist that’s been in our lives for so many years. Both of us kind of grew up with him, from when he was in a band to his solo career. So even though we only met a few years ago, our upbringing and our interests from childhood to now have been quite similar, because we’ve been in those same spaces — even though we’re from completely different sides of the world. There’s so much you can connect with someone on that level when there’s something you relate to for so many years.
When you think about fandom spaces more broadly, what do you feel like they’re missing right now when it comes to real connection and how did that lead you to creating irl. fans for friends?
Selin: I think sometimes, especially in spaces like stan Twitter, people can kind of hide behind a screen and just say whatever they want. And the community you build online is really special, but you only really see it come together in real life when it’s something like a concert. And if there aren’t concerts happening in your area — especially if you’re from a place where artists don’t really tour — it’s very hard to bring that community into a real-life space.
You can feel really connected to someone online, especially when you share interests that your friends in real life might not have. So I think it’s really important to bring that in person. And like I said, you usually only get that at a tour or a pop-up, so we wanted to create something where that could exist more consistently.
Alesia: Honestly, I was thinking the exact same thing. The reality is, the only time a bunch of fans come together if it’s music related is usually at a concert. So being able to take that same community and bring it into other spaces, whether that’s karaoke, dance parties, Pilates, a hot girl walk, whatever it is — it’s about translating that connection into other aspects of our lives.
You’re doing something different — bringing people together in real life, but not centering the event around fandom itself. How did you land on that model specifically?
Selin: I think like with friendships, it’s important to keep that retention. If you’re going to stay friends with someone, you need different things you can talk about — it can’t just be the fandom. We’ve only done one event in London so far, but in New York there’s been two, and I know Alesia is still connected to people from the first event. That’s because you end up bonding over other things happening in your lives. I think that’s really important.
Alesia: Yeah, I completely agree. If you have one thing in common, you probably have a bunch of other things in common too. And you can’t just always talk about Harry Styles or Olivia Dean or Taylor Swift — eventually that’s going to get old.
Being able to have activities is how real friendships form. I think about Selin — the first time we really hung out, we were doing all sorts of things. I only knew her because she was a fan of Harry, but after that we were going to pubs, thrifting, just doing normal things that weren’t about Harry Styles. So it’s about taking that and bringing it into other spaces.
Selin: Yeah, and when we first met, I followed Alesia on Instagram, but we didn’t interact that much online. She was coming to London for a holiday, and I just DMed her like, stay at mine.
There was that sudden level of trust — you like this person, I like this person, there’s already a community in place. And Alesia was so down, she stayed for like 10 days. There was never a dull moment because we were just discovering all these other things we had in common and there’s suddenly a flourishment of a friendship. And now we speak every day. I think I speak to Alesia more than I speak to my parents.
Alesia: Oh yeah. I speak to Selin more than I speak to pretty much anyone. She’s the first text I see when I open my phone every day.
Selin: And we’ve only seen each other in person, what, three times? But we still have such a strong friendship built from that.
Bringing people together in real life isn’t always as simple as it sounds. Even with a built-in community, there’s still a gap between connection online and showing up in person. What has surprised you or been your biggest lesson amid actually bringing people together in real life?
Alesia: For me, I would never consider myself an organized person. I’m very type B, so having to plan and organize events has definitely been a learning curve. But I think if I’m passionate enough about something, I’ll just figure it out as I go, and I am really passionate about this. So that’s been the biggest lesson for me, just learning how to be more organized and kind of growing with it. Because as it gets bigger, you’re only going to have to take on more responsibility.
Selin: I think one of the hardest parts, especially from our London event in January, is that it can take people a while to come out of their shell. A lot of fandom lives online, so when you bring it into real life, it’s not always easy right away. Especially if you’re coming solo, it can be hard to introduce yourself and build those connections in person, and that’s for any situation. If you go to a networking event, it’s sometimes hard to put yourself out there.
I think it’s sometimes scary to make friends. And when you’re so used to making those communities online, having to translate it in real life can be quite hard, I think.
Alesia: I almost had the opposite experience. At our New York event, I felt like everybody was so outgoing that I was the one trying to keep up. It might just be an American vs UK thing, or a different personality thing. But I think because everyone knew they were there to meet people and knew they all liked Harry, there was this immediate openness. And if you have a few really outgoing people in the group, everyone else just kind of follows along.
I was pleasantly surprised, because I didn’t feel like I had to be the one pulling people into conversation.
I also just think it probably depends on the group. It could be completely different at the next event I have. And for me personally, I lean more introverted, so it’s definitely pushed me to be more open in those spaces.
Selin: Yeah, I think the audiences can be really different depending on the timing sometimes. Like for the New York event, the Harry Styles album had just come out that night, so there was a lot of energy and excitement, and everyone wanted to be involved.
Whereas in London, it was a bit quieter, there wasn’t as much happening yet, so people were slightly shy almost. I think as we get into the summer and tour starts, people here will probably be more in the same kind of spirits.
What has been your favorite event so far?
Selin: We’ve only done three, but probably the second New York one — our Harry Styles album release party.
Alesia: Yeah, I really liked that one. It was a little chaotic for me personally because I had a lot going on, but everyone else was awesome and great. I think Harries are some of the best people, everyone was just really gracious.
Selin: I think that was the first time we saw a proper community come together in real life that we were hosting.
The first event in New York was about 20 people, and the London one was about 20 also. Then suddenly there were hundreds of people in the room, all with this excitement because the album had just dropped that day.
I was actually on the way to Marrakesh and Alesia FaceTimed me from the event to show me what it looked like. I was in the taxi to the airport just feeling overwhelmed with joy.
It was like, wow — I can’t believe we’ve brought all these people together and they’re all just dancing, singing, having the best time.
You see things like album listening parties happen online all the time, but seeing that happen in person felt really special. And I saw so many people tweeting about it, people I’ve followed for years but never actually seen, and suddenly I was like, oh my God, you’re there. That’s so cool.
What are you both fans of right now?
Alesia: I think the new RAYE album is great. The title, This Music May Contain Hope, really feels accurate to me. It’s such a hopeful album. It’s not even just the gospel references, the album itself is the gospel. It just radiates so much joy and hope. So that would be my recommendation.
Selin:
I’m obsessed with it right now. I really appreciate how adventurous the production is — you never really know where each track is going to go next, which makes it such an interesting listen. I’ve also been going back to this Spotify podcast called Dissect, where they break down albums and go into meanings you’d never think about. It’s been really interesting to revisit music with that kind of deeper perspective.
And I’m really excited for the new Olivia Rodrigo album.
Alesia: I’m excited for Beyoncé’s album — you can’t see it, but I’m repping Beyoncé.
Selin: As you should be.
Alesia: It hasn’t been announced yet, but we all know it’s coming.
Selin: I’m also excited for the Met Gala, we might get a lead single that day.
Want to learn more about irl. fans for friends? You can follow their Instagram here.